I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
