She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
