I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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