Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
