why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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