Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
