I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
