My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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