the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Houston, we have a squirter
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
