Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
