Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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