He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You smell like stripper and shame
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
