Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Randomize
