I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
