pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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