I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
