I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
