i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
