you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
