I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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