i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
