Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
