why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ketchup is God's man juice
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
