is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
