I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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