I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
