You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
