The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
