i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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