before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
