his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
