I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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