tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
