Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
