We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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