yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
