he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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