And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
