i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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