Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
