Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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