But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
