we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
