I've blown a few things in my day
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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