As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
