You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
