wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
