The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
