Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
