You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
